First Blog Ever!

I have never been one to blog but thought this would be a great place to write out my journey called life to share with those closest to me. I have to go back (something I will never do again) to get to the present...........

January 11, 2008- my world as I knew it was perfect. I had a wonderful husband, a beautiful child, a nice neighborhood I lived in and great friends and family. That was until 3:30 that afternoon. My husband, my best friend, my lover, my companion, the person I trusted most in the world turned my world and my son's world upside down as he sat and looked me in the eyes with no feelings at all and told me after almost 19 years of friendship, 1 year of dating, 1 year of being engaged, and 5 1/2 years of being married that it was over and there was nothing I could do or say that would change his mind. My body went numb, my mind was spinning a million miles an hour trying to process what I just heard, and my heart fell to the floor and broke into a million little pieces. This was by far the last thing I had planned on in my life. The first thing I had to do.......go pick up my son and hold him close to me. His smile could make anything better. The rest of that weekend was a blur to me. I slept not a wink, ate nothing, and spent ever second I could with Drew and my family. Where would I go from here? How would I pick up these pieces? What did I do to deserve this? I knew I had to find somewhere else to live, I knew I had to find a lawyer, I knew I had to figure out how I was going to explain this to people but what I didn't know was how would I ever find the strength to deal with all of this. That strength came in the form of a one year old boy that looked up at me with the most beautiful bue eyes I had ever seen in my life. I knew for him I could do anything........and I did. It took me 7 weeks to figure out all of the details between the lawyers and ourselves, sign an agreement, buy a house, move into it, furnish it and make it feel like a home for Drew and myself. Still questioning at this point how I was ever going to do this I was told some advice that is how I will live the rest of my life "the rearview mirror is smaller than the windshield. Never look back, always look ahead". From that day on that is what I have done. I realized there was no point in trying to figure out what went wrong, trying to figure out why most of my friends don't call anymore, and trying to figure out how I could be so far from my plan I had just two months ago......instead I started looking ahead to healing, to spending time with the people who have never waivered and always been there for me, and to making a new life for myself and for Drew. Through many counselor appointments, crying sessions with my mom, quiet nights of playing with Drew, meeting new people, getting use to being in a house with just Drew and myself, quiet nights journaling my feelings, and most of all drawing on the strength from those beautiful blue eyes I have come to where I am today........