The Biggest Loser

Every 6-9 months I sit myself down on the couch to watch the new season of The Biggest Loser. I remain completely hooked on the show through every episode and have this great feeling of motivation after watching how great the contestants do every season on the show. Then by the finale I think to myself.....if I had started dieting and exercising when this show started I could probably have lost 25 to 30 pounds by now and I would be sitting here watching their success and enjoying my own at the same time. Yet I still just sit there on the couch (sometimes snacking) and watch the show without doing anything about it. So this season I had already decided before the first episode came on that I was going to start the same week as the show and diet and exercise for the 3 months that the show is on so when the Season 7 contestants are celebrating their achievements with their weight loss I can too. I have oredered Biggest Loser meals to be delivered to my house for the next 3 months to take a little of the stress of meal planning and calorie counting out of the equation. I started the first week 190 pounds. As much as I hated to type that number that is the truth that I need to come to terms with and I know 3 months from now I won't be typing that same number. 2009 is going to be a great year and it is going to start with me doing something for myself and losing weight so I feel better about myself. Check back to see my progress!!!!!!!

Birthday week!!!!

It's been awhile since I have blogged. I need to get in a better habit of just getting on here and writing what's been going on to keep everyone up to date.

It's my birthday week!!!!! YAY!!!!! for everyone who knows me you know that my birthday is right up there with Christmas as my favorite days of the year. I just think it's great how you have a day dedicated to celebrate God bringing you into the world. Ah birthday week (yes in my house it was always birthday week- 3 days leading up to your birthday, your birthday, and then 3 days to come back down for the birthday high. We don't get presents or special things everyday during that week but we just call it the birthday week). My Birhtday week officially starts tomorrow. I will be starting off with Dinner with one of my favortie ladies, Jessica. We are going to Texas de Brazil. We went there last year for my birthday with a big group of ladies but it will be nice to just spend some time with Jess. then tomorrow I am having dinner with Danielle and Kathryn at my house and Danielle is going to give my hair a Birthday High Light. Then Friday after work Matt and I are heading up to Wintergreen for the weekend to do some hiking, Wine tasting at the garlic festival, and spending some time with my family. What a great few days I have in store. I can't wait. Here's to Birthday Week!!!!!!

Body Image

There is nothing worse than looking in the mirror and seeing how life has progressed with your body. For those of you few lucky ladies out there that still look like you did at 18........ lucky you you don't know what I am talking about.......but to the rest of you I know you understand. I put my bathing suit on this weekend and went to tie the top in the mirror and was forced to look at myself in the mirror. If only life experience and wisdom could be measured in strectch marks, cellulite and rolls......then everyone at the pool would know how experienced and wise I truely am. Unfortunately that is not how it works. After I accepted the fact that staring in the mirror at myself with a disapproving look was not going to melt the pounds away I put my bathing suit cover up on and headed out to the pool. While soaking up the sun and people watching (one of my favorite things to do) I noticed several woman that were significantly heavier than I was in their bikinis soaking up the sun and strutting around the pool just waiting to get noticed. That is when I started wondering.................why can't your self confidence grow as your waistline grows? If everything on your body got bigger not just your outer appearance then I could strut around like the other woman I was watching, and how was it that they didn't care and I did? Did they get some memo that I didn't stating that body image didn't matter anymore. For the most part I try to work out a couple times a week and I try to watch what I eat. I have lost weight but it always seems to be a vicious cycle. Gain a pound or two, get lazy, don't work out, get sad, eat more, get motivated lose a pound or two, get happy, gain a pound or two. is this the cycle I will go through for the rest of my life? When will people started loving themselves for the inside instead of the outside like everyone else that loves them does? Needless to say that I am sure even the thinnest of us struggles with body image from time to time. So here is my challenge to all of you that I know and love so much......next time you look in the mirror, i want you to see the beauty of your heart showing through the beauty of your skin! Once we all start seeing ourselves like that than we can strut around with the best of them!!!!!!

The Magic Number

The magic number for driving is 16, the magic number for smoking is 18, the magic number for drinking is 21, the magic number for having a child is 9, the magic number for a marathon is 26.2. Whether these numbers are followed by years, months, or even miles most big events in life have a magic number that comes with it. What is the magic number for your heart to heal and be ready to start over when you lose someone you care about? One of my favorite shows is The Bachelor and the Bachelorette...............just watching that fairy tale unfold before your eyes makes me smile being the hopeless romantice I am, yet I was skeptical of how 2 people can fall in love in 6 weeks. That is when I realized that 6 weeks was about the time it took me to fall completely out of love with the person I would have given my life for. It hit me then that if I can fall out of love with someone that fast why could Deanna (the bachelorette) or anyone for that matter not fall in love with someone that fast. What is the magic number? For Trista and Ryan on the first season of the bachelorette that magic number was 6 and now they have started a family and still look so happy! This brings me back to the mystery of the magic number for a healing heart. Many people have given me advice (unsolicited of course) telling me when i should start dating again and how I need to give my heart 1 year before I even think about it or that it will take years to get over this and I shouldn't go out looking for anyone.............................obviously those advice givers had never been in the situation I am in. After controlling the urge to yell SHUT UP to most of them I sat back and realized that maybe that was the magic number they had in there mind if they ever went through something like this. Maybe the magic number for emotions is different for everyone. I had originally given myself the 6 month mark before I could even start to date someone. HaHaHa! Why would I tell myself I have to be single for 6 months when I am clearly not in love with the ex anymore and he is clearly not in love with me. If we both want to move on then why would I let a number stop me? that is when I had my AHA moment that since the split in January I have had several magic numbers.........6 weeks to fall out of love, 5 weeks to go out and drink my single blues away, 2 nights at milepost to be introduced to a wonderful guy, 2 weeks of pushing him away so I can stick with the 6 month mark, 2 weeks of secretly "dating" him, 2 weeks of talking about him to my family and friends, and 2 weeks of just enjoying being with him and realizing that I can just be happy, and 2 weeks of Drew and I both spending some time with him just being happy. So now the answer to the important question........the magic number is ZERO. When it comes to your heart, your emotions, and your happiness you can't put a magic number on it.......just go with the flow and know that those that stick with their magic numbers might not have as great of an outcome as those that don't.

Strength

I went to a movie by myself for the first time ever this week. Everyone I knew had gone last week to see Sex and the City when it opened. I was at home sick so I missed out. I was dying to see the movie though and after watching the trailer on the computer for the 100th time I decided that no matter how much I didn't want to go by myself I just needed to go. So there I was sitting in the theatre laughing and crying at all of the same parts I am sure every person I know would have been sitting there laughing and crying at and feeling very alone.....but none the less I did it. As I walked out of the movie theatre I knew that if Carrie Bradshaw could live on her own and be fine for that many seasons on sex and the city before she got her fairy tale ending that I could do the same. I drove home and for the first time since I moved into my house on March 2nd I chose to stay at my house by myself, blast my music, clean and just enjoy being in my home. What an amazing feeling to be in a house that I own on my own and look around at the life I have made in such a short time. I never new I was so strong and now looking around I knew that the strength I had was permanent and there was nothing I couldn't deal with. I was ready to take on the world........ I knew right then that every decision I had made was for the right reason, that things happen for a reason, that I deserved greatness in my life, that I deserved happiness and that at that moment everything was right and I would get my fairy tale ending one day. I knew then and there that God had a plan for me and that up until this point my life was planned for one thing......Drew........my strength! I can't wait to see what God has planned for me next. I know whatever it is I now have the strength to deal with it!

First Blog Ever!

I have never been one to blog but thought this would be a great place to write out my journey called life to share with those closest to me. I have to go back (something I will never do again) to get to the present...........

January 11, 2008- my world as I knew it was perfect. I had a wonderful husband, a beautiful child, a nice neighborhood I lived in and great friends and family. That was until 3:30 that afternoon. My husband, my best friend, my lover, my companion, the person I trusted most in the world turned my world and my son's world upside down as he sat and looked me in the eyes with no feelings at all and told me after almost 19 years of friendship, 1 year of dating, 1 year of being engaged, and 5 1/2 years of being married that it was over and there was nothing I could do or say that would change his mind. My body went numb, my mind was spinning a million miles an hour trying to process what I just heard, and my heart fell to the floor and broke into a million little pieces. This was by far the last thing I had planned on in my life. The first thing I had to do.......go pick up my son and hold him close to me. His smile could make anything better. The rest of that weekend was a blur to me. I slept not a wink, ate nothing, and spent ever second I could with Drew and my family. Where would I go from here? How would I pick up these pieces? What did I do to deserve this? I knew I had to find somewhere else to live, I knew I had to find a lawyer, I knew I had to figure out how I was going to explain this to people but what I didn't know was how would I ever find the strength to deal with all of this. That strength came in the form of a one year old boy that looked up at me with the most beautiful bue eyes I had ever seen in my life. I knew for him I could do anything........and I did. It took me 7 weeks to figure out all of the details between the lawyers and ourselves, sign an agreement, buy a house, move into it, furnish it and make it feel like a home for Drew and myself. Still questioning at this point how I was ever going to do this I was told some advice that is how I will live the rest of my life "the rearview mirror is smaller than the windshield. Never look back, always look ahead". From that day on that is what I have done. I realized there was no point in trying to figure out what went wrong, trying to figure out why most of my friends don't call anymore, and trying to figure out how I could be so far from my plan I had just two months ago......instead I started looking ahead to healing, to spending time with the people who have never waivered and always been there for me, and to making a new life for myself and for Drew. Through many counselor appointments, crying sessions with my mom, quiet nights of playing with Drew, meeting new people, getting use to being in a house with just Drew and myself, quiet nights journaling my feelings, and most of all drawing on the strength from those beautiful blue eyes I have come to where I am today........